Gender - Toys, or Societal Expectations?

              Is there really a difference between men and women? Are we exactly the same inside but slightly different on the outside? Do we act differently only because of the stereotypes and expectations given to us since we were young? Some people believe so, and some people don’t. An article by the American Council on Science and Health states that there is preference to “gender appropriate” toys starting as young as 9 months. Boys will prefer things such as trucks, swords and action figures while girls will prefer things such as dolls, hair and makeup, and jewelry. Is this because parents expect them to play with a certain toy, so they only give them those toys a boy or girl would like according to what we think a boy and girl should play with? Maybe. But what is more likely is that boys really do like playing with action figures and swords because of the running around and pretend fighting, while girls are more prone to socialize and want to play with each other. Of course, this isn’t always true. I have nephews who love to play with each other “pretend” – they love playing with toys and talking to each other, but they also love playing pretend fighting. Then I look at my niece who, while she loves pink, dressing up, and playing with dolls, she loves playing anything with anyone, even boys. So, what happens when a boy likes playing with dolls and a girl likes playing with swords? Well, essentially nothing until they get older and enter the school system.

                  The problem can come when there is a very sporty dad who has a very artistic son. Most athletic dads want their sons to follow in their footsteps and become the star quarterback on the football team, or the best pitcher on the baseball team, etc. but they can often feel disappointed when their son decides to take on the arts instead of the sports. Not always, of course, but often. So the boys start playing with the girls because the other boys make fun of him for wanting to write, draw, or play with dolls but really only because he doesn’t like sports. So, the boys grow up around the girls and don’t get that “validation” from the other boys. What is more common than one might think is boys begin to want that validation from the other boys – to be pat on the back after a good sports game or get the bro hug in the hall at school, so they begin to think they like boys, when in reality they may just want that “okay” from the other boys. It’s most common for men to begin to think they are gay at the ages 8, 10 and 16. Of course, this is not the only reason, it’s just a theory by Daryl J. Bem for Cornell University. But a boy playing with dolls is normal – there is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with boys enjoying drawing or painting.

                  Now, this theory is more prevalent in boys because they are expected to be more masculine, so when they aren’t it is different for people. But for girls it is okay to want to fight or be on a sports team – it can even be encouraged, especially by those parents who are athletic, but if they decide to be more artistic that is also encouraged. In elementary school, I remember those girls who played with boys during recess, and those girls who wanted to play jump rope and hop scotch. Neither was “frowned” upon, in a way. Neither group of girls was picked on or laughed at, at least not usually. But when a boy wanted to go draw with the girls or play with the girls, the other boys laughed at him, or mocked him. The girls usually would like to play with them or accept him, but especially in elementary school boys had “cuties” so they could sometimes be rejected by both boys and girls.