Dating, Wedding and Marriage

              Assortive Dating. What is it and why is it important? Well, assortive dating is like a funnel – you start off dating a bunch of different people, and by dating I mean going on dates with people. You see which ones you like the best, which you get along with the most, etc. and you begin to weed them out, slowly funneling through them. This is not a bad thing to do – it’s not judging them but helping each other out to find the right one for both of you. You are discerning with are good and which are not. Eventually you will find the one who is right for you. So, now you have found the one for you right? It goes back to the four steps of relationships – first: dating. You should go on dates with them and figure out if they are good for you. Remember, this doesn’t mean exclusive. Second: courtship. This is where we get into boyfriend/girlfriend or being exclusive. It needs to be a clear, DTR (determine the relationship) thing that you both decide on. Third: Engagement. This is also a clear step that needs to be obvious and talked about, such as a proposal. Fourth and final step: Marriage! This should be an obvious step because of the wedding, but even still – it is important to make that decision together.

              So, what are the purposes of marriage? Well, I think it really depends on the person and why they want to get married. For me, I think the purpose of marriage is because I want to be with someone I love and grow old with them and to have kids. A friend of mine made a good point that research has shown that kids tend to do better in life if they have parents that are married. Of course, this isn’t always true, but there has been research done for that study. She noted that she wants the best for her kids and that if her being married is going to increase their likelihood of being successful she wants to do that for them. Another reason is for that lifelong companionship with someone you love. This is a big one for some people I think – to have that commitment with someone. To know and promise to each other that you will stick by each other’s sides no matter what and you will support each other through decisions and trials you go through separate and together.

              Let’s talk some more about marriage, as in weddings. Weddings come in a variety of different ways. Some people don’t have weddings, others have simple, and some have huge parties to celebrate. This is a really important part of a marriage, because a wedding is the first big event that the couple will plan together. Another misconception is that the wedding is for the girl and her mom to plan. While it is great to have the mom’s help – it is really up to the couple to decide and figure out together. It is their wedding, not the girls. It should be planned and agreed upon by both people in the couple. Something else to note is that while most guys don’t care, they should still put their input. Another point that has been talked about, is how much should a wedding cost? Well, a great way to start off a marriage is to not be in debt, or have your parents spend too much, wouldn’t you think? What happens when your parents remortgage their house to pay for your wedding, or they spend thousands of dollars they may not have to give you the “perfect wedding”? I personally think that is not the best way to start off your marriage – knowing that you had your parents go through all of that for a few hours of celebration? I’m not saying to not have your childhood dream wedding, I’m just saying to look at the positive and negative effects of that.